Recipes of the Damned

You read that right. Pigs in a Twinkie! It’s what you fear: sausage in a Twinkie. I don’t have a picture to offer; the book this comes from, The Twinkies Cookbook, does not include an image of this particular recipe, and there’s no way I’m going to make it just to find out. That would go against my policy of never buying Twinkies.

Twinkies are such a weird food. They’re perfectly engineered. The marvelous book Twinkie Deconstructed by Steve Ettlinger provides a wonderful ingredient-by-ingredient analysis of the famous snack cake, explaining how just the right flour, carefully calibrated combinations of leavening and fat, and chemical flavorings are brought together to make a perfectly consistent product. No matter where you buy it, from Tallahassee to Tulsa, Twinkies will always be exactly the same. That’s the thing about processed foods that freaks me out. To me every cookie should be individual, every batch of brownies a little different from the last. This robotic sameness is upsetting to me.

But not as upsetting as stuffing a sausage link into a Twinkie.

Granted, this is sort of a variation of serving pancakes with sausage and syrup. As long as the pancakes are actually sponge-cake consistency and filled with that peculiar cream filling.

The Twinkies Cookbook is pretty entertaining. Most of the offerings are on the sweet side, and less jarring: Fried Twinkies with Chocolate Sauce, Twinkie Peanut Butter Logs, Twinkie Ice Cream Cake, Twinkiehenge. (Sadly, Twinkiehenge is not pictured either; pudding is coated with crushed sandwich cookies, then Twinkies are upended in it in the manner of a giant Druidic sundial.) Even Twinkie Sushi is only sushi in appearance, using fruit leather and candy to mimic the look of nori rolls. There’s even a Twinkie wedding cake that uses fondant and buttercream frosting to create a real memory-maker.

I’d be tempted to make some of these things, but again, that would go against my policy of never buying Twinkies. (No, I’m not going to steal them, either! These grocery store workers are my neighbors! Good heavens.)

Pigs in a Twinkie
6 pork sausage links
6 Twinkies
Maple syrup, for serving

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Place the sausage in a skillet over medium heat and cook, turning to brown evenly, until the meat is no longer pink inside, following any package directions. Remove from the skillet and drain well on paper towels.

Thinly slice one end off each Twinkie. Stuff a cooked sausage into each Twinkie. Place the Twinkies in a shallow baking dish and bake for 10 minutes, or until the Twinkies are warm. Serve warm, with syrup.

The Twinkies Cookbook: An Inventive and Unexpected Recipe Collection from Hostess. Interstate Bakeries Corporation. Berkeley, California: Ten Speed Press, 2008. Food photography copyright 2005 by Leo Gong.

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